Chapter 80: The Explosive Birth of the Slothful Master and Apprentice
“Onii-chan, I’m home! Mira-chan too!”
“Oh, welcome back.”
“Mira-chan, are you drinking again?”
“’Course I am! For me, alcohol’s like air. If I don’t drink, I’ll die! Gulp gulp gulp… pah! Man, your brews are seriously divine, kid! Ha-ha-ha!”
As soon as Sena returned from her day’s adventure, she was greeted in the living room by Miranda, who sat cross-legged on the floor, cheeks flushed crimson, laughing heartily as though she owned the place.
“…So, exactly how long are you planning to stay here?” I asked flatly.
It had already been several days since that fateful drinking party. And yet, instead of leaving, this incorrigible drunk had completely settled in, treating my home like her own private tavern.
“Oh, don’t be so cold-hearted, pal. We’re close, aren’t we?”
“We’re complete strangers.”
“Aw, you’re so chilly! Listen, once two people share a drink, they’re basically lifelong friends, no exaggeration!”
“I’ve never once had a drink with you.”
Honestly, what is this woman? Her audacity had reached a level so brazen it was almost… refreshing.
“Uuuh…”
Even Sena, normally so good-natured, couldn’t tolerate this outrageous guest. She puffed her cheeks, growling low in her throat—
“I’m so jealous! I wish I could lounge around all day doing nothing, drinking at home like this every single day!”
“That’s what you’re jealous of?!” I shouted before I could stop myself.
“If you start copying this woman, you’ll end up a hopeless wreck too!”
“You’ve got it wrong, Onii-chan!”
“What!?”
“Think about it—just barging into someone else’s house, drinking their booze for free, refusing to work, and still not leaving even when they complain! That’s not laziness—that’s transcendent! She’s gone beyond human limits! She’s practically a god! We should be worshipping her!”
“Bwahaha! You’ve got good instincts, girl! Lemme tell ya something important: a true sloth doesn’t get angry when someone yells at ‘em. A true master laughs right in the face of rage!”
“I see! That makes so much sense!”
“No, it doesn’t! Don’t listen to her, Sena!”
“Aha-ha-ha! Onii-chan, you’re hilarious!” she giggled, clutching her stomach.
She’s already practicing it?!
“Nice, nice! You’ve got talent, kid!”
“Really, Master!?”
“She’s calling her ‘Master’ now!?”
This was bad—really bad. As her brother, I could not, in good conscience, let my little sister become the disciple of such a disaster of a human being.
“But reaching my level won’t be easy, ya know?” Miranda said, eyes gleaming like a mentor imparting wisdom.
“Bring it on!” Sena replied eagerly.
“Hey, stop filling her head with nonsense!”
At this point, I’d abandoned all honorifics.
Miranda simply grinned, lifted her cup, and continued, “You need more than just mental toughness. You need muscle, too.”
“Muscle?”
“Yeah. In the end, when words fail, it’s your fists that do the talking. If you’ve got the strength to knock someone flat, people won’t mess with you. That’s how you live free.”
“That’s literally how gangsters operate!”
Unfortunately, Sena was nodding enthusiastically. “Ah, I get it now! Totally makes sense!”
She never listened to me, but the moment this drunk said something idiotic, she ate it up!
“Oh yeah, you’re an adventurer, right?” Miranda asked, pouring herself another cup.
“Yup! I just started recently!”
“Figured as much. When you’re low rank, it’s rough—but once you hit A-rank, you can just crash at some noble’s mansion, freeload off their food, and they’ll thank you for it!”
“Whoa! Adventurers are amazing!” Sena’s eyes sparkled like she’d just discovered her life’s purpose.
That… was not the kind of adventurer I dreamed of becoming.
“Alright! I’m gonna reach A-rank and live my dream lazy life!”
I could almost hear our late father sobbing from the heavens.
“Well, do your best,” Miranda said casually. “Hmm? Hey, my cup’s empty. Refill!”
“…”
“Refill!”
“…”
“Hey, don’t ignore me! I said refill my drink!”
“…”
“Oh? You disobeying me now, brat?”
“…”
“Naaah, come on, don’t be like that…”
When intimidation failed, she switched tactics—her tone suddenly syrupy sweet as she leaned closer, swaying unsteadily.
“Oh, sweetie, I’m getting all hot and dizzy~”
“…”
“Uf-fuun~” she purred, batting her lashes.
“…”
But this time, I was immune. I emptied my mind, recalling the last time I fell for her antics and got scolded to hell and back by Anii.
Besides, that “uf-fuun” line was so dated it made me cringe.
“Damn it! My charm attack didn’t work?!”
“Hang in there, Master!” Sena cheered.
Please, don’t encourage her!
“Che… fine, you’ve forced my hand. Didn’t wanna use this—but desperate times call for desperate measures!”
With a sharp click of her tongue, Miranda suddenly threw herself onto the floor, sprawled on her back.
“Drink! I wanna drink! I wanna drink, drink, drink—!”
She flailed her arms and legs like a toddler demanding a toy.
“Drink! I wanna drink, drink, drink, driiiiink!”
This… this was a full-grown woman. What kind of life choices led her here?
Watching her didn’t make me pity her—it just made me tired.
But then—
“As expected of Master! She’s so committed to her goals that she’s abandoned shame itself! How inspiring!”
“She’s moved to tears by this!?”
“I’m gonna practice too!” Sena shouted, then immediately flopped to the floor beside Miranda.
“I don’t wanna work, don’t wanna work, don’t wanna work, don’t waaaaanna work!”
“Drink! I wanna drink, drink, driiiiink!”
…What kind of chaos had my living room become?
“Meow?”
“Pii?”
Hearing the commotion, Milk and Pippi poked their heads in, tilting them curiously at the bizarre scene unfolding before them.
“F-fine! I get it! I get it! One more cup—just one more, okay?!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. Defeated by their sheer persistence—and the surreal absurdity of it all—I finally gave in.